![]() ![]() “Say what you mean and always follow through on it” was his motto. My dad once told me that if he had a rule, he always stuck to it – even if he regretted the rule later. My parents’ rules had to be followed, no exceptions. I would have to sit at the dinner table for hours because no one knew that’s why I wouldn’t eat. Or I would refuse to eat specific foods for fear of choking, but in my house, you were taught to eat everything that was on your plate. For example, I would constantly throw away brand-new clothes because I had intrusive thoughts that they were contaminated. I was punished for things that were often innocent mistakes. I learned from a very young age that showing emotions that were seen as negative was often unacceptable. Part of my story is that I grew up in a very strict household. I was consumed with things that no one 6 years old should be concerned with, like my family’s well-being. I wanted approval that these things were acceptable. I would confess the most mundane things and look for reassurance that I was okay. I would ask puzzling questions and demand answers to questions that could not be answered with certainty. They could tell I was in some sort of distress, but they didn’t understand what was happening. As a young child, this must have been terrifying for my parents. Before it had a nameīefore I really knew what OCD was, I tried to put my experiences into words, which proved to be challenging. That is what makes platforms that share OCD stories so powerful, and that is why I have chosen to share my own struggles. It is important for more people to talk about their experiences, as this leads to more understanding and helps educate people so that no one else needs to go through those experiences ever again. They learn very quickly that when you allow people to see the symptoms that you experience on a daily basis, there may be negative consequences. It’s no wonder that so many with OCD would want to hide their symptoms. If they had it as a child, as I did, they may have been scolded or told to simply “knock it off.” They may also have been seen as attention-seekers or as having behavioral problems. Many lived in shame and guilt, wondering if they had done something wrong to deserve this or if they were somehow contributing to the severity of it. They, too, experienced the struggles of having a condition that very few people truly understand, let alone know how to treat. Now, over my years of being a therapist and specializing in OCD, I have found that this air of mystery surrounding OCD still exists in many ways for the people I’ve treated. I saw it as a mysterious thing that would show up and torment me. So when I began to experience symptoms, I knew something was going on, but I had no words for it. During my childhood, there was a vast silence when it came to this topic, at least in my household (and I suspect in the homes of many others). There were no TV shows depicting characters that even represented the misguided, stereotypical views of OCD we see in today’s media. I don’t think I had even heard of it until around 1995. When I was growing up in the 1980s, very little was known about OCD. The fear of becoming an outcast still persists. It’s no wonder that people hide their symptoms, given the nature of how people with mental illness were treated or dismissed historically. Many are scared of using labels and scared of the impact OCD may have on their relationships, career opportunities, and even how they are perceived by others. People tend to be afraid of what they do not understand. One thing has been clear throughout history: mental illness has been misunderstood.
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