![]() And when you do see them doing something positive - for example, when they’re telling the truth - give them positive reinforcement, even if it’s for something small. Do not rely on faith alone that they are not using substances, just because they have spoken those words. I tell him often, “My eyes can hear much better than my ears.” Just as we seek evidence of their using substances, we must seek evidence of their recovery. So, when my son tells me he is not using substances, I really don’t hear it. If this is the case, their only mechanism for survival is to seek some kind of approval by saying what they think their parents want to hear, even if these things aren’t true. I also believe that many people struggling with addiction do not approve of what they are doing, but believe that they have no way out. ![]() I believe that children seek approval from their parents and look to give us pride. Perhaps they do not even realize they are lying, but are simply saying whatever they think a parent would want to hear. However, at times, we cannot always do what they need when they need it - we cannot always prevent them from hurting, because they need to experience the natural consequences of their actions in order to get better.Ī person with a substance use disorder may say anything to hide addiction, and may take any action to mask the problem. Unfortunately, this tends to be a difficult thing to do. That is why different role models such as sponsors, those in recovery, police officers, probation officers, correctional officers, pastors and counselors should all work hard to show the person struggling to find the correct path. In the long run, we can only support them and provide different opportunities to help them make the right decisions in life. At some point, they made certain decisions that led them down this path. We raised our children the best way we knew how. All that would do would leave me dead on the tracks, leaving my son alone to stand on another set of tracks the next day. I now understand that I was wrong all along. My son’s addiction started in high school, with what at the time I considered to be normal experimentation. He has embraced sobriety, only to lose it again several months later. I told him it was my job to knock him out of the way and take the hit, because that’s what fathers do. Beginning when he was 19, my son has been in long-term rehab on four different occasions, for a total of almost a full year of days. I used the analogy of him standing on a railroad track when a train is coming forward as fast as ever, blaring a horn that he cannot hear. I once wrote a letter to my son about substance use. We would give our lives if it would help, even a little. We would do anything to take away the addiction and smooth the tough road ahead. ![]() We would do anything to remove any pain they are feeling. ![]() I realize now by using I was avoiding life rather than dealing with it.We love our children. I always thought I needed drugs and alcohol to deal with life. I never realized life could be so great sober. With the help of a long-term drug rehab facility I was able to kick drugs and alcohol entirely. I would work in the bar and then spend my paycheck there at the end of the week.Īfter losing job after job due to my use, and after digging myself so deep in debt, and after my third time in jail for drunk driving enough was enough. I chose a profession in the bar and restaurant industry, because it seemed to accept and almost promote drug and alcohol abuse. I flunked out of college and entered the work force. It continued in college, but got much worse as there was much more available. I would do anything offered to me and in massive amounts. Not necessarily addicted to any one thing, but I was addicted to being high. I stuck with marijuana and alcohol for a while but, when I got to high school and other drugs were introduced to me, I had no problem trying them. Once i was used to getting drunk, and somebody offered me marijuana, there was nothing stopping me from trying it. It wasn’t long past that I started stealing sips of alcohol from my parents liquor cabinet. Like it is for so many, cigarettes were my first gateway drug. I started out just like many others smoking cigarettes and thinking I was cool behind the local bowling alley.
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